Thursday, May 1, 2014

may day.

Four years ago, he made the first leg of his move to new orleans. We embarked on these separate lives, trips to + from, and more texts than we could ever count. Sometimes it felt like we had more of a relationship with the idea of the other person than an actual relationship. like with everything, this seemed to ebb and flow. But we grew accustomed to the pattern. After awhile, I started to feel like this was maybe just the way it would always be--that living in the same city, living a life together just wasn't in the cards. I seem to expect the worst.

That was until he found a job in Kansas City. Until we had a date on the calendar. The dream of a home together, weekends spent together, traveling, and a dog very suddenly and very clearly in view. I told a friend recently that I felt a little guilty, because in that moment that this move became real, so did leaving new orleans and saying goodbye to the friends still there. 

Long distance is/was the worst. It's awful. But we needed that time to ourselves, I think. We learned things along the way, about ourselves, about our relationship, our careers. We, or I, spent a lot of time exploring and falling in love with an unexpected city. It's hard to let go of the things you love and the experiences you've valued. I am so very grateful for these four years. But it's time to let go.

The first week of June will be a good one. Happy May.

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